Insight
by helenxxx
Summary: a ROMY story of Remy joining the x-men
1. Chapter 1: Red & Black

**This fanfic is my first so please be kind when you review - and please review! **

**Disclaimer: this is creative joy and I have no ownership of any aspect of the X-men and their associated media, including x-men: evolution **

**I dedicate it to my wonderful inspiration, the aptly named Inspiration&Strife and I wholeheartedly recommend you read her stories, she is amazing! **

**thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my little foray into the world of ROMY...ah, they belong together... **

**Insight **

From the darkness Red on Black eyes looked out into the light, reflecting not the stars but glowing from within.

Few people bothered to look into those eyes for long; most were scared at the obvious sign of a mutant in their midst, and others were too superstitious, fearing le Diable Blanc and the tales surrounding the mysterious eyes. Those who did look into his eyes found it took them a long time to adjust to be able to read them, and the red eyed man was hardly an easy person to read.

Only one person had ever looked into those eyes long enough to notice that they didn't reflect the stars, the skies, the light, like other, _whiter_ eyes. These eyes absorbed light and, like their owner, absorbed the world without revealing much of the person looking out of them…and yet, for the one person who had looked truly deeply into those eyes, they revealed so much. They weren't dark, those eyes, they were bright and warm and kind, even while they were wary, intelligent and assessing.

The black so beautiful, like a warm summer night along the Mississippi before the stars came out to play, when the crickets chirruped and the birds sang. That quiet time as the sun sets and the night lazily says hello to the world. That glowing red orb, the warm, hypnotic picture of life and laughter and mystery.

When she thought of those eyes she thought of lazy Southern nights, the sounds of laughter at Mardi Gras, the smell of coffee, cigarettes and beignets.

But the most important, and heartbreaking, were the memories of his eyes, and the memory of that voice followed. his voice, smooth like southern comfort, molasses and chocolate ice-cream on a hot sunny day. God. That voice melted her; heated her to the core, but because she didn't know what to do with a warmth this powerful she turned it into anger until it burned her inside. Challenging her, teasing her, showing her she wasn't alone and she had a family.

She'd been such a fool.

She had been her mother's daughter; the girl Mystique wanted her to be. Raised to keep apart even before her mutation arose, she had learned her lessons too well and even when she tried to break free she did exactly what her mother had taught her; be angry, be so cold inside it burns you, but don't let people in.

Finally when she'd pushed her mother off the cliff she still wasn't free; even then it was a lesson her mother wanted her to learn – hurt them before they hurt you, and if you can't, well, hurt them _worse_.

Not like Kurt, _biologically_ Mystique's son but so completely different he glowed with optimism, love and faith in people. He had every reason for bitterness and fear but he loved with the same all encompassing power that Mystique hated.

She'd been so blind; thawing only a little with her new family, her first real family.

The x-men let her start to be herself for the first time.

She who they thought was so independent, she who thought herself so strong willed, and yet it was all walls she'd built because Raven Darkholme and Irene Adler taught her to keep the world out and their lessons in. She'd been so naive, so angry, so alone; everything they'd taught her to be and everything she'd made for herself.

Until those red and black eyes opened her green ones she hadn't seen the choice that was there all along. If you couldn't choose your teachers, choose what lessons you learn from them.

That was a hard lesson to learn, finding out how much of her identity was a defence mechanism against her mutation, how much was her mother's manipulation, and how much was really her, just her own self. And it was a slow lesson, peeling back those layers and all the old, outdated stories about how she should be, about who she was and what the world was like.

She promised herself that she was strong enough and brave enough, and loved enough, to start undoing some of what she had always thought was damage her mother had done, and to start looking with her own eyes instead of through a haze of half-remembered lies.

When she'd returned from blood moon bayou she'd been greeted by the professor and as Scott had walked over to Jean she saw the pretty telepath look at her with such worry and compassion it had felt like a slap in the face.

She had started to feel angry *_how dare she pity me, Miss Perfect condescending…_* and then stopped, all of a sudden, when Jean said "I'm glad you're home Rogue."

All of a sudden, all emotion stopped.

Foggy brained from that moment, she had started her journey of self-discovery with the biggest thing she had **never** thought of. This, her greatest resentment outside of Mystique, and the person she saw as her total opposite: Jean Grey.

The next morning she waited for Kitty to leave (meeting Lance for a weekend date) and then sat in front of her mirror and looked for the Red Head's psyche. It took time - Jean's psyche wasn't easy to locate, hiding away in Rogue's mind from the resentment Rogue felt toward her, but then she found her and walked a moment in Jean's secret places. She wore this echo of Jean's mind and felt her, knew her, as she had never tried to do before. She had always resented Jean's success, her control of her powers, her family and friends and her easy way with people. Jean was self-assured where Rogue was insecure, outgoing where Rogue was withdrawn, cheery where Rogue was sullen.

Looking _into_ Jean for the first time, she discovered another side; Jean had the confidence of being loved by her family so completely. It had given her the generosity of spirit to make all those around her like family too; the x-men and her friends at school were welcomed into her heart as an extended family and it was natural for her to play the big sister role. But Rogue now saw for the first time what that love and warmth meant within Jean. It meant responsibility to the older girl and a desire to protect those she loved and to make things better for them. Because of that Jean warred with her own telepathy; picking up stray thoughts, feelings and the knowledge that not everyone knew how to take into themselves that same sense of warmth, and her frustration that she could just show them with her mind, but mustn't.

Rogue gasped as she felt Jean's mind open up to her and realised that just as she kept her own mind locked tight to control her psyches, and kept herself covered to avoid touching others, Jean too held doors closed which were too easily opened, keeping her mental shields up constantly, exhaustingly, so as to not take in too much of others. Jean could physically touch, and had many talents Rogue could only steal but –

*_not true..._*

Rogue jumped.

The mental voice was more than an echo now

*…_you're using my telepathy, I think you connected to my psyche in your head and it led you directly into mine_* thought Jean from her room along the corridor.

*_Oh my God Jean Ah'm so sorry…* _Rogue panicked, pulling away.

*_It's OK, I knew you hadn't noticed you'd gone outside your own head and into mine. When I realised you were there I thought you'd be so upset it'd be better if I just waited, but then you were so down on yourself I couldn't keep quiet…* _

_*You'd let me just wander through your mind? That's crazy, Ah could've…* _

_*I trust you Rogue, and well, you always seem so angry at me…I was so surprised I kind of didn't know what to do* _

Roguestarted at that, she was generally angry at most people so why should Jean single herself out?

_She felt Jean's amusement through their link as the telepath replied: *No, I'm a telepath remember? Even when I hold everything out I still get glimpses. And even if I wasn't psychic Rogue, I think I'd know* _

_*Ah'm sorry Jean Ah know it ain't always fair of meh, you're nahce, Ah just…Ah dunno* _

_*It's OK Rogue, you think I'm everything you're not, but it's not true, you don't steal other people's lives or their psyches or talents anymore than I spy on their thoughts and hopes and dreams. We are the way we are, it's what we do with it that counts and from what I see you try so hard and never give yourself any credit…and I understand what it's like not to know whether a memory, a thought, an idea, even a feeling is yours or someone else's. I know for you it's harder; I can keep most of it out but they're already inside you. I don't know anyone else who can do what you do every single day in keeping those psyches at bay. You can use other people's powers better than they do but even though you have all of us inside you, you still don't see how much we all care for you* _

In her room Rogue blushed with embarrassment at the complement, feeling Jean's sincerity _*Ah don't know if we'll ever be the best of friends Jean but Ah'll try to see you for who you are, 'stead of as everything I haven't got* _

_*Thank you Rogue, and thank you for really seeing me. I hope one day we will be good friends at least*_ with that Rogue felt herself fully returned to her own mind with the strange sensation of Jean's psyche dissipating within her, peacefully and without a sense of loss.

She'd felt calmer after that day, still the same feisty and forthright Rogue but she was getting better at looking at herself, and others, without a legacy of grudges and resentments in her way. It had helped her tame her psyches too, more cautiously from then on to avoid accidentally 'visiting' the real person instead of the echo in her head, but still thoroughly.

One by one she opened them up and they dissipated, leaving her with access to the knowledge she had absorbed and even sporadically the power, but without the echo of a consciousness that didn't belong to her, behind her eyes.

She had even started working with Jean on both their powers. Once in a while they'd go up to the roof at night and Rogue would use her natural prowess with other people's powers to help Jean learn how to use her own more effectively, and Jean would help Rogue explore her own barriers to true control.

For some psyches though, like Mystique and Sabertooth and Logan, she had needed the professor and the real Logan by her side for fear of what she might find. She had not only managed, she had even been able to recollect for Logan some memories he himself had lost decades ago, of Japan and a love lost among the blossom trees.

Still, even though she had begun to feel at home with other people's powers, touch still eluded her. From Pyro's fire playing to Kurt's teleporting to Fred's strength (minus the size) she could instinctively use their powers in ways they couldn't imagine, and yet her own were a mystery to her.

Sometimes she dreamt of the smell of the bayou and the glow of those red eyes. But she had stopped herself resolving his psyche as she had the others. She wanted him to remain a mystery; wanted to ask him the questions, learn about him the right way, not because he was in her head.

It probably didn't help that some nights she sensed him out there watching, and sometimes in her daily activities she felt his eyes on her. He probably knew she could sense him. She suspected it was only because of the resonance of his psyche that she could sense him now, but sometimes she wondered if he had purposefully made his presence known to her.

Why he didn't come forwards she didn't know but from his psyche she sensed his self-loathing. With every fibre of her being she knew she couldn't, shouldn't trust him, that trusting him only led to people dying or being hurt. Powerfully she also knew those feelings weren't hers, they belonged to his psyche and in her heart and soul she knew something more powerful; she knew that he loved her. And she loved him. Whether she could love someone she didn't know how to trust was something she wouldn't know unless he stopped watching her world, and started being part of it.


	2. Chapter 2:  Green

Green meant life, the passion of nature, the promise of glorious, riotous life. Green meant lust, meant envy, meant hope. And being a Star Trek fan, it also meant blood! **(A/N Remy is shown in his own comics to be a Trek fan!)**. Green meant Rogue; eyes full of life, passion and pain, so much like his own but so different. He didn't know if that difference; his frivolity, and his desire to take all the world in (stealing it if necessary) would be their undoing, or if it would be their similarities in pain, betrayal and the walls built over a lifetime of mistakes.

Remy knew he was a good thief, had always known it and had never asked for another life. He had also always known he was a mutant with eyes that inspired fear, and for the Thieves' Guild also inspired legends and prophecy.

Some legends he was proud to say he'd built for himself; glowing devil eyes could go a long way when teamed with athleticism and skill as a thief that few had ever matched. Some of the legends and prophecy brought him only pain; from beatings, from betrayal, from what it felt like to belong nowhere except as a useful tool for his 'masters'.

Remy was young and he was tired, too weary and full of sorrow for his years. He was great at fun and being a free-spirit but at heart he was weighed down by his losses, his betrayals; wondering where his innocence went, if he had ever truly been innocent. He couldn't remember ever being naïve, but he thought he remembered innocence.

Innocence felt like casting sparkles into the bayou to impress the green emeralds he had brought here.

He'd been watching her for 3 months now, longer really, because ever since he'd been assigned to Magneto's acolytes he'd been drawn to this girl more than he'd ever been drawn to another.

All this time, since the streets of N'awlins where she stopped being his 'captive' and became, for a brief time, his companion, all this time he'd been pondering the same question: could he risk trusting and being trusted? And if she could trust him, would he deserve it, or would he hurt her – and be hurt in return? And was it worth that pain anyway?

He was under no illusions; although the telepaths had trouble reading his mind and Rogue was unwilling to absorb him, he knew his secrets, his horrors and his Hell would eventually be revealed and he'd go from a little piece of Heaven back again to the purgatory that followed him everywhere.

Was it worth it? He didn't know but he knew he was no coward.

His moral fortitude came and went like the tides but it never stayed away, for too long. He could always guarantee he'd do something too shady for the good guys, but was too good to be a bad guy and he'd hate himself for it all, never one or the other, always in his own place.

Sometimes he genuinely believed he had been good once, and could be again, other times he knew all the bad he'd done would always catch up with him.

He wanted do know what it felt like to do right for once though, and wear a white hat, not having to question everything around him and not simply being forced into what he was doing. He wanted the choice he'd never really had; wanted no master but himself, wanted to see who he'd be if he could choose both the best and the worst, instead of always having to make the best of a raw deal, or tainting the good things in his life with his regrets and misdeeds.

God he was too young to be this messed up by life. He wanted **his** chance.

Green eyes that burned with passion and fire and melted his heart were the ace in the deck – she could choose her value, a ten or a one, and he'd win or lose based on her choices.

If Rogue _wasn't _there, one of the x-men, this would all have been easy. He'd have walked up to the door, eluded the security measures and charmed his way onto the team. But with Rogue there, if he gambled and lost, he didn't know if he could put his heart together again. With Rogue there he didn't know if the stakes were too high, for if he hurt her he could never turn back. But without Rogue the game might not be worth winning.

Merde but he wanted this. He'd never been so frightened in all his life.

Not when he was living on the streets before Jean Luc found him, not when he went through his tilling; his rite of passage into manhood and being accepted as a true thief, not when he went to his first tithing ceremony, not even when he first met the Pig and Etienne didn't come home, not even when he first realised how he'd have to repay his debt to Nathanial Essex.

This time not only did he have a choice to make things right, he also knew what he'd lose if it all went wrong.

Fils de putain, he was too young to feel this old.

Standing he took a card out of his pocket and charged it so it glowed slightly, lighting a glowing joker with magenta light. "Well, I guess that's settled."

**French: Merde (pooh) Fils de Putain (son of a bitch) **


	3. Chapter 3:  Together

The glow of the red against the black had gone but she knew he was still there, eyes closed but still present.

She could feel the anticipation in the air, sensed something changing and suddenly a fuchsia glow lit his face and his red eyes glowed like stars in the darkness. He was hauntingly, achingly beautiful, handsome and young, but ageless. He had changed, she could see, different hair; longer and untamed, clean shaven and dressed not in his acolyte uniform but in his long trench and dark clothes which faded into the darkness.

He was looking down at the card in his hand and a moment later he was striding forwards, avoiding the mansion's automated security as stealthily and gracefully as a cat.

When he disappeared from view she sat up and walked towards the balcony. Trying not to disturb Kitty she opened the door to see what was happening, only to find him somersaulting over the wall to stand before her. That same smile, those same eyes, and a card held out for her.

Taking the card, Rogue murmured, "'Bout time ya decided to speak ta meh." Looking at the dancing Joker, she folded her arms across her chest and appraised him silently.

"neh, ain't decided nothing yet chere " he returned, "Tha's why I'm up here. Don' tink it's fair to make dis decision wi'outcha one way or de other."

"What decision? Ah cain't speak yer mind for ya"

"Non, but if I do what I wanna, I need to know goin' in dat I gave you a choice too. Ain't just me this affects an I done a lot too much o' selfish decisions in mah time to make dis another of 'em."

His sincerity made Rogue look at him again: he looked tired, leaner and quieter than last time she saw him. A new weight had settled on his shoulders and he looked like a man trying to hide the lost little boy inside him, or protect that little child from more pain.

"Ah don't know what choices yer talkin' about swamp rat but I know ya carry a world's worth of pain in ya heart and ya don't think ah should trust ya. Ah got enough of ya up here in mah head to know that."

He looked up, startled by her insight. "ya don' know why I feel dat pain hein? Even tho' ya got a little me in your head?"

"Ah tried not ta look Gambit, I know how much it frightens you, people knowin' ya secrets and ah didn't wanna steal 'em from ya."

"Merci, I had no right ta expect dat of ya after all I done to you 'n yours."

"S'Okay, Ah kinda hoped Ah'd get the answers from ya in person one day."

"I can't promise dat Rogue, I'm sorry, some t'ings, dey too big, too dark, for sharin'."

He looked away, too ashamed to meet her gaze but she held a gloved hand out and lifted his chin, asking him to meet her eyes;

"Not with me – Ah seen darkness ya ain't nevah thought a soul could overcome and some of mah closest friends taught me ya cain't hide from the dark, ya can only shine a light on it."

"Mebbe' so." But he shook his head. "Don' ask me dat yet. I ain't ready."

"Alright. Now what did ya wait 3 months ta ask meh?"

He smiled sheepishly before answering: "I wanna join de x-men."

At her surprised expression he held up a hand before continuing: "I'm serious, I wanna do this for me, not because I'm runnin' from something or cos someone's at my back. Fo' the first time in my life I wanna make a choice dat's all me."

He paused and leaned back against the balcony. "But first I needed to talk ta ya, se how ya feel cos a year's a long time and you…ya know I like ya Rogue, if I join dis team I'm gonna be in ya life whether ya like it or not." He lowered his voice; "and I'm hoping we get ta know each other a lil' better."

He couldn't help his sly grin as she rolled her eyes at his innuendo.

"Raght, sure, the girl who cain't touch and the guy who always wants ta"

Gambit's eyes glowed as he turned serious again. "I mean it tho' – I ain't no Southern gentleman and I sure as Hell ain't a good guy but I wanna…"

"Ya wanna try to be."

"Oui, I ain't good Rogue; I done t'ings, been dat guy. I don' know if I can be good enough for yo' or de x-men, but it ain't dem I worried about. If'n I leave de x-men, dat's just my loss, but if I mess up wit' you, it ain't just me who'll be hurtin'."

"Remy…"

"Non."

He brought up his hand and held her gaze. "I know we ain't nothin' ta each other yet but I'm sure gonna try ta get under ya skin Rogue 'till ya happy wit' me dere. But I wanna warn ya, I don' know if I can be the right man to be an x-man."

He watched her take it all in, reading her eyes as she thought it over, looking up to him as she decided;

"Ah don't know what ya done Remy but Ah know what Ah seen of ya and Ah think ya can change; bad guys don't beat themselves up like yer doin and they don't try ta change. Ah cain't say what's gonna happen with you and meh but..." She lowered her voice to a whisper, "...Yes, Ah'd like a chance. If that leads to heart break, Ah guess it'll be a journey worth takin'."

She hesitated, glancing away; "Ah don't know if Ah can trust ya, Ah got a whole mess o' ya fear up in mah head and Ah hope we can learn to trust each other, but whatever happens, Ah want ya to join the x-men. Ya deserve this chance Remy."

"Thanks chere."

He turned to go but she caught his arm and asked; "Why the joker Remy? Why is that ya card? Ah get the queen of hearts but you get the joker?"

He paused, looking altogether adorable half hanging off the balcony already. "Ya know anythin' 'bout cards?"

She replied embarrassed, "Not much"

"de joker, it de only card don' belong to no suit but can join wit' any o' dem, it de wildcard, de only one can trump any card." He paused, unsure whether he was revealing too much; "In tarot it's de fool, de 'excuse' the joker, he can be anything, but he's always on his way ta becoming something."

She touched the card gently. "Sounds tiring; never fitting in, bein' used when it's convenient for others, never knowing who ya really are."

He smiled tenderly, "mebbe we gon' change dat, non?" and with that he blew her a kiss and leapt from the balcony into the welcoming darkness.

**French/Cajun translations **

**Hein: huh? (an exclamation of disbelief)**


	4. Chapter 4:  Have you heard?

The next morning Rogue woke to the sounds of an exciting new day beginning. She was normally one of the first up, about and exercising but today she felt the buzz of anticipation in the air as voices in the corridor beyond her door were raised in excited murmurs. Kitty was phasing through the door to investigate as Rogue stretched and grabbed a baggy t-shirt before heading to find out what was going on.

Rayne, Tabby, Amara, and Jubilee were all giggling together despite being dressed for a danger room session as Rogue, Kitty and Jean emerged from their rooms.

Seeing them Tabby called out, "Hey guys, ya heard the news?"

Jean frowned as she responded. "The only thing I heard was the 4 of you. I thought you had a training session at 6am?"

"We did, but Logan was called out by the professor after 30 minutes so it was cancelled. We were coming back to our rooms and we saw…" Amara stopped for dramatic effect: "You'll never guess who wants to join the x-men!"

"Oh my God, it's like, Lance! finally" Kitty bubbled with excitement as Rogue's heart leapt into her mouth.

Jubilee and Rayne giggled and burst out with "Gambit!"

Kitty looked scandalised, "The Acolyte? He like, totally kidnapped Rogue! I mean he's a major hottie but they haven't said yes?"

Before they could answer Rogue interjected drolly, "He ain't an Acolyte no more, Kitty, they were disbanded, remember?"

"Yeah but you said he's like, totally a criminal, and it's not like he was blackmailed into doing it like Piotr was." She rested her hands on her hips. "Anyway, he _kidnapped_ you Rogue, they can't let him join, it's like totally unfair to you."

Rogue felt herself blush at her friend's willingness to protect her, but it was Jean who responded, looking at Rogue as she spoke: "I'm sure the professor hasn't come to a decision yet Kitty, and he'll take Rogue's feelings into account."

Tabby boomed her way into the conversation, interrupting with; "he is so totally hot, when we came through the corridor to our rooms he was going into the Professor's office with Storm and Logan and we got Rayne to listen with her wolf ears to tell us what was going on, but then Badger came out and shoed us away."

Quietly Rogue asked, "What did ya'll hear?"

The shy young Irish girl replied; "He was explaining that he wanted to join the x-men, and Mr. Logan said there was no chance because of what he'd done ta Miss Rogue but the Professor and Ms. Munroe said they should hear him out, that's when Mr. Logan opened the door and spotted us." Her expression turned chagrined; "We have danger-room duty every morning this week now."

"that's like, well harsh, they can't expect you not to want to know what's going on!" Kitty exclaimed.

Jean brought them back to earth with a sensible suggestion; "Well, we won't learn anything standing out here, why don't we all get changed and meet up in the common room, see if we can limit the rumour mill before the boys start getting worked up."

*before Scott get's a bug up his butt ya mean* Rogue thought to herself.

Jean frowned slightly at picking up the stray thought, but winked at her as she walked into her room to change;

*Whatever you decide Rogue, I'll support you – even if it does mean persuading Scott to give Gambit a chance.*

Rogue nodded her thanks and went to her own room to change.

Kitty was already changing, muttering about the injustice of kidnappers being considered x-men while Rogue got herself ready, nervous and excited and terrified all at once, and becoming more and more amused by Kitty's intention to defend Rogue's honour.

"Kitkat, Ah'm fine. Ah told ya he was nice ta meh, and if he hadn't kidnapped meh Ah neva woulda realised what Ah was leavin' behind, what ya'll mean ta meh."

She paused, catching her friend's eye; "Ah'm glad he did it, Ah saw a different side of him, Ah told ya before, he opened mah eyes to somethings I shoulda' known." She looked down in embarrassment at jhaving revealed so much, "an' he ain't that different from us, from meh, really; he ain't a bad guy, not really, Ah absorbed him so Ah'd know."

Kitty looked chagrined; "OK, but if he hurts you so help me, I'll totally phase him into Bayville prison!"

Rogue smiled at her friend's passion. "Deal, but ya have ta promise me ya gonna give him a chance if he joins the x-men, and let me fight mah own battles, OK?"

"OK, now, let's go find out what's happening."


End file.
